“Be” Apostolic

There’s a difference between believing and being.  One constitutes a state of mind and one a state of existence.  I’m privileged to lead some of the most amazing students and young adults on the planet and for the past three months God has led us on an incredible journey.  One where our belief about worship has been transformed into a state of being worshipers.  It seemed for the longest time that when it was just “us” (as in no guests, an all “churched” crowd) we were passionate, but when guests would come we got all “scurred.”  We’d clam up and be self conscious, operating out of the erroneous notion that true, vibrant, Apostolic worship in response to the moving of the Holy Spirit would scare, freak out and generally turn off guests.   So for three months we’ve confronted it, prayed about it and decided to move from believing in boldness to being bold.  We’ve committed to becoming a youth group who claps hard, prays loud and shouts praise.  We’re not all the way there yet, but we’ve worked really hard and God has blessed us.  Yes, our worship did generate questions as to why we did what we did, but the “what means this” has quickly turned into “what must we do.”  In the past 30 days we’ve signed up five students to home Bible studies.  AAAAAAANNNND 15 min ago I spoke on the phone with a young adult that wants a Bible study and wants to be baptized because she, in her words, “want[s] to be ready!”

I just want to publicly say to all of my RYM family, “I AM PROUD OF YOU!”  We’ve come far but this journey is just the beginning, let’s keep following Jesus.

To all of my fellow leaders, what I’m about to say I don’t mean as a cliche…at all!  Let us BE apostolic in our student ministries!  The moving of the Spirit and passionate worship provides an experience that legitimizes us as true believers and demonstrates that our church no matter how big or how small is connecting with Jesus.  If you are tempted to dial back your proclamation of Christ to be less offensive..DON’T.  My experience in a very secular Canadian culture is that young people are looking for something to believe in, give them Jesus and an explosively apostolic worship experience.

Your Leadership Matters!

The apostle Paul writes a powerful message to the young Thessalonican church in 1Thess 2:1-12. He speaks of how his integrity and the integrity of his team legitimized the Gospel. This young church could trust what he said because he was trustworthy.

Your life can either legitimize or de-legitimize the Gospel you proclaim. If you’re greedy and hog the spotlight…if you’re aloof and untouchable to your students…if you are lazy and refuse to hustle…if you lack integrity, are lustful, flirty and prone to dishonesty…your message, no matter how expertly delivered, creatively enhanced or excellently executed will not be taken seriously. But, if you follow Paul’s pattern of humility, empathy, hard work, integrity and encouragement people will be changed! They will be changed because they will see the power of the Gospel patterned in your leadership.

I want to end with Paul’s passage in 1Thess 2:1-12. I hope it challenges and inspires you like it did me.

For you yourselves know, brothers, that our coming to you was not in vain. But though we had already suffered and been shamefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we had boldness in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in the midst of much conflict. For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness. Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. (1 Thessalonians 2:1-12 ESV)

Embrace Your “Edge”

I recently received from my incredible mom the Steve Jobs biography. As I read it I’m amazed at his story. However, more than the sordid details of his eccentric bathing regimen and off putting habit of soaking his feet in the commode, I’m fascinated with his personality. Steve Jobs had an “edge” to him. When I say “edge” I mean traits or characteristics that separated him from the pack and caused him to see the world differently than everyone else. From his famed “reality distortion field” to his ferocious intensity, I was fascinated at how these traits were both his greatest strength and greatest weakness.

It got me thinking. Every great leader in history had an “edge” Both inside and outside of the church those that have done big things have had this same “edge.” Traits that made them different from everyone else.  I’ve met pastors who’s intensity made them powerful visionaries, passionate speakers or leaders who’s intellect and unending discipline drove them to study and read and become experts in the Word of God and their field.  Yet at the same time these same traits have at times made them standoffish, impatient, abrasive and unable to connect with anyone but close friends in any casual social setting.  Others, what they lack in academic ability or force are filled with charm and have the ability to connect, empathize and feel the emotions of others.  They have the talent to be completely present with someone and make everyone in the room feel loved and important.  Likewise these same traits can turn someone into a chronic people pleaser, shallow and even manipulative.

Your “edge,” like theirs can be your greatest strength or greatest weakness. There are three keys to make your “edge” work for you:

1.  Embrace it: Realize your “edge” is what makes you different.  Your quirks and idiosyncrasies are what makes you, you!  It’s the stuff that separates you from the crowd and makes you standout.  It allows you to see things in a fresh way and come up with innovative solutions that no one else sees.
2. Manage it: Your “edge” is like a big powerful dog.  Train it and it will your greatest asset, let it be undisciplined, unmanaged and it may devour a couple of the neighbourhood children.  I’m not asking you to erase who you are, I’m saying sand off the sharp negative edges that could end up destroying you and what God is trying to do with your life.  Be open to the moving of God’s Spirit as He convicts you of the parts of you that are carnal and sinful.  If your strength becomes a weakness go on a quest to learn how to make sure that never happens again.  Call people who have this down and ask them for advice, read blogs, books and listen to podcasts to figure out how you can make sure your “edge” doesn’t poke someone’s eye out ever again.
3. Surround yourself with good, loyal friends and mentors who realize that  your greatest strength and biggest weakness are often the same thing.  This is so they can tell you when you’re being a moron.

Embrace your “edge.”  It’s what took a hippy from Cali and turned him into one of the most successful innovators of the 2oth and 21st century.  It’s what’s going to make you shine and rise to the challenge that God has for you. Follow Him and be who He has called you to be.

You’re Network Is Not Your Networth

Your network is not your net worth. Seriously, it’s not. In fact let me take issue with the theological validity of that statement in regards to ministry. Y’know if we’re honest this net worth concept to relationships is really about me leveraging my relationships to squeeze the most resources out of those in my proverbial network; making my relationships about me and what I can gain from you. So once I have gleaned from you what I needed well, then…take care. This concept turns me into a politician. And thus, I try to align myself with people simply because they can advance my position. I shift my values and convictions and really, who I am to fit in. I become users of people, I try to get in this circle or run with this crew because if I do I may get more preaching gigs, political power or recognition.

Let me state how I really feel. You and I were not baptized into a network, we were baptized into Christ and His body. You and I through the blood and the name of Jesus have become brothers and sisters. Thus I share a bond that goes deeper than a mere network, we are one in the Spirit! Read the following scriptures and notice the use of plurals like we and us: But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, (Ephesians 2:4-6 ESV)

Ephesians is one of my favourite books. Paul was writing to strengthen the local churches in Ephesus. For the first half of the book he exalts the work of Christ, His redemptive plan and the utter beauty of the Church. Once he gets to chapter four he gives the purpose for his theological writings. He says “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called…Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” (Ephesians 4:1,25 ESV). In other words, since we all share this deep common bond of redemption and we are now part of this incredible body of Christ let us be careful how we treat those in that body. Acts 2:38 hasn’t just produced a connection between me and God, but it’s also produced one between me and you.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t try to learn from the success of others or that I don’t try to build relationships with successful people so I can learn for them. I’m not negating the power of positive relationships. In fact I think moving the concept of networking from the carnal and into the biblical makes your desire to be more connected have greater depth and meaning. You may need to not change your behavior at all. You just may need to shift how you view the role and purpose of your relationship of those in your network. We are not called to be served but to serve. So in a spirit of love, humility and brotherly kindness we sharpen one another as we build the Kingdom and reach more people for Jesus.

Let Him Move…

I’m so overwhelmed by the goodness of Jesus Christ right now.  Last night’s service was amazing.  It was the first Tuesday of the month so at the end of the worship set, The Journey, our young adult group, broke off for their small group and the preteens and teens stayed with my wife and I.  It was the last service of Titanic series and my base text was Luke 4:16-19.  The message was on the sustaining and healing power of Jesus Christ in a crisis and when we are our weakest, He is the strongest. We talked about divorce, bullying, insecurity, abuse, gossip, betrayal, feeling alone, failure, sin and parental abandonment.  When I was done we had an altar call.  These students went in! Some knelt in their chairs, others stood, some laid on the floor, sprawled across the stage crying out to God.  Steph was on keys and I was doing double duty trying to act as both an altar singer and altar worker. To hear their prayers would rip your heart out of your chest. It was really raw as students between 11 and 16 years old poured their hearts out to God. Then IT happened!  The Spirit of God exploded in the room.  A student pulled himself up off the floor and with the authority of the Holy Ghost gave an earth shattering word of prophecy. There was no prompting.  No encouraging.  No baiting.  It just happened.  God interrupted the music, the singing and the prayer.  He had something to say.  He used a student to say it.

God wants to move in your student ministry.  He wants to demonstrate his power through salvations, miracles and the gifts of the Spirit.  Jesus is the only one who can change people.  I can’t.  Neither can you.  Our world is jacked up.  If we all got together and shared all our stories of students we’ve encountered a common theme would run through the conversation.  Our world is broken by sin and it seems sin breaks kids and teens the most.  At times when confronted with the emotional and psychological damage that the world does to students, I don’t know about you, but I feel overwhelmed.  I feel ill-equiped to answer all the questions and bind all the wounds.  I don’t have the power to change peoples lives.  But Jesus does!  The experience of the new birth and the continual refreshing of the Spirit can rebuild in moments what Satan takes a lifetime to destroy.  So let Him speak, let Him move, let Him heal, rebuild and redeem.  If you’ve been worried that you may freak visitors out or look weird…stop!  A genuine move of the Spirit has never messed up any student who’s ever visited our church.  In fact watching their generation experience real spirituality intrigued them and left them wanting to see and experience more.

So go ahead and build the coolest youth ministry you can. Be creative, engaging – use all of your talent to shock n’ awe your guests.  Admonish your band to be as tight as they can be. Plan your series, as I do, 6,9 or 12 months in advance.  Plan every detail. Be excellent in your marketing.  All so that when it’s time for the Spirit to move you will have done everything you can to make them open to a life changing encounter with Jesus Christ.  When that happens, get out of the way and let Him move.

Lifeboat – Notes from Lesson 3 of Titanic Series (with Video)

Author’s Note: Watch sermon opener before reading notes.  Also, these are my actual sermon notes, they are fairly unedited and were not originally intended for publication, thus grammar, sentence structure may be a little rough.  Finally, I’m trying to figure out how to upload my notes with footnotes included till I do they are not attached.  Sources are listed at bottom of post.

Why should I be a lifeboat to someone when their life is sinking?  Why should I care for someone in my youth group who has a need?

1 Corinthians 12:13, 25-26 (ESV) 

13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body— Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

Why we need to care for one another: By one Spirit have we been baptized into one body – we have a shared salvation experience.  Baptism of water and Spirit has made us one with Christ and each other.  When you got saved, your individualism died and you were placed in the body of Christ.  You are a part of me and I am a part of you and together we are a part of the body of Christ.  Therefore because of this shared experience and community that comes through being in Christ let us care for one another.

Here’s what this scripture means: We love one another not only because being nice is…well, nice.  We love one another because we share a bond in Jesus that runs so deep.

Tonight is called lifeboat.  At some point you are going to need to be a lifeboat to someone in this room.  They are going to need you!  We want to give you some skills

Two things are important to be your friend’s lifeboat.  Listen and be there.

Listening skills

Listening is hard work – but important!  One problem we face is that the brain can process information faster than a person can speak. (Peterson)  Avoid the temptation to let your mind wander and think about other things and at the same time catch what the person is saying. (Peterson)

Listening is more than hearing words.  Watch a persons subtle body movements, catching voice inflection and try to understand what isn’t being spoken. Focus and interpret what is being said and indicate to the speaker that you are hearing what they are saying through body language (nodding) or your words (I understand, then what happened, tell me more about how you felt)(Peterson)

Be Present: People need to feel that they have your full attention.  Look at your friend as he/she speaks, but without either staring or letting your eyes wander around the room.

Set aside distractions to focus on that person.  Get off your cell phone!!!!!!!!

Be conscious of your body language.  Don’t cross your arms. If standing, constant shifting tells people your disinterested or bored by them.  Be mindful of your facial expressions.  If someone admits that they fell into sin or have experienced a great tragedy avoid expressing shock, disgust, anger or other extreme emotions. 

On that note, it’s important to try to keep your emotions even and controlled.  You never want to react in a way that would make people in crisis not want to come to you in fear of upsetting you.  By reacting evenly, controlled and warmly you create a feeling of stability and trust between you and your friend.

Be Empathetic: Share in their feeling.  How would you feel if…? However, avoid saying “I know exactly how you feel.”

Be trustworthy!  When someone is going through a rough time the last thing they need is someone to betray their trust and gossip about their pain.  When someone comes to you they need to know that you will not use that information inappropriately.

But there are times when you must break confidence. When you must tell:

• Someone will harm themselves or someone else.
• When they have been the victim of a crime like sexual assault, molestation or harassment .
• When they are about to make a bad decision that will have a negative effect on the rest of their life
• Run away from home
• Leave the church
• etc…

Sometimes when people are in pain they are ashamed and don’t want other people like their parents or their pastor  or other authority figures to know – sometimes you have to do what is right for your friend.  You will have to care more for your friend then you care for yourself.  You have to be willing to let people get mad at you.  This takes courage but you can do what’s right!

Also if your friend has made a mistake, a huge one.  They come to you and say “I think I’m pregnant” or “I just had sex” “I’m thinking about having an abortion” etc…- you need to think long and hard about keeping that info to yourself.  Sometimes people want take care of their guilt without being held accountable for their actions.  True accountability will never destroy someone but will correct their bad behaviour.

While each crisis is unique, all crisis’ tend to follow a pattern.  Norm Wright has developed a crisis sequence made up of four phases that most people follow while going through a life-changing event. By knowing how most people respond to crisis will better hep us “be there” when we are needed.

The Impact

• Usually very brief, from a few hours to a few days
• Numbness and shock
• Extreme emotions
• Hard to think clearly – choice has to be made to stay and face the situation or try to escape
• EX: Death in a family – either look at pictures and reminisce about the past or be filled with feelings of guilt over things that were done poorly or left undone
• EX: People can feel guilt if they have been spared pain or difficulties that a loved one had to face

What You Can Do: Help the person accept his or her feelings as normal.  Encourage the expression of emotion.

Withdrawal and Confusion

• Phase two is accompanied by a drop in the emotional level.
• Longer phase – measured in days or weeks (depending on the emotional fortitude of the person in the crisis and the severity of the situation)
• Often accompanied by feelings of being “worn out” or depressed
• People who share there feelings with their friends at this stage may shock and offend
• This is when people need the most physical contact with friends, yet these contacts have begun to drop off as time goes by.
• Problem is people have not fully released the emotions of the past loss

What You Can Do:  Make a systematic plan to have you and your friends to stay in touch with the person in crisis.  For example, upon hearing the death of a family member immediately write the name of the family on your calendar every three months for the next two years as a reminder to continue to reach out and minister to them

The Adjustment 

• Takes longer to experience
• Hope and positive emotions slowly begin to grow
• Now possible to introduce spiritual insights because the person is now able to look deeper within
• Don’t try to do this until the adjustment phase.  They are not ready!  If you are too hasty you can do irreparable spiritual and emotional harm.  Let people heal and help them by ushering them into God’s presence deal with the “why” during the adjustment phase

Reconstruction-reconciliation

• A new sense of hope and confidence
• There will be times of sadness, especially on anniversaries or special events but these tend to be momentary
• While life may never be the same the person can sense with anticipation of a new future

Not every person goes through grief the same way – so one person might experience anger first, and then move on to crying and sadness etc. vs another person might experience crying and then resentment and anger.

There are all of these stages but it isn’t textbook – each person will experience these stages in their own way and for a unique duration.

Being there doesn’t have to be complicated.  It’s just simply being there!  It’s telling them they can call you.  The worse thing you can do is ignore someone – sometimes you will feel awkward but don’t let that stop you.  Embrace the awkwardness of the situation and know that what you are doing matters!! Invite them over to your house, hang out with them more often than normal.  They need human contact and care.

Chances are the greatest thing you can do is provide an escape and fun for a few hours.  You have no idea how much it means to someone going through a rough time to have some time and space to laugh and have a good time.

In order to be a lifeboat we must be led by the Spirit!!! We can only show the care and love of Jesus when we are filled with Jesus.

1 John 4:7-12 (ESV)

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 

If we don’t love people our religion is fake. But if we love others God’s love lives in us!  We make an invisible God visible and tangible when people see our love and care for those in crisis.  When you are filled with the Spirit, when you are anointed the care you bring will have tremendous power!  Because when you reach out to someone they won’t just feel your love – they will feel the love of Jesus.

So tonight…God is looking for people to step and say, “Jesus when I’m needed I will be somebody’s lifeboat.”

Sources: The Foundations of Pastoral Care by Bruce Peterson

Talent is overrated…

Talent is overrated.  Your success as a leader/minister is as much determined by the strength of your character and emotional stability as it is by your talent, education, knowledge and creativity.  So, let’s talk about insecurity and personal character.

I saw a tweet a few months ago, I believe it was Rodney Shaw (no relation, unfortunately) that said (I’m paraphrasing) “No amount of talent can make up for personal insecurity.”  Being a successful student leader/pastor will take more than slick marketing skills and talented communication – you gotta have the guts for it, you need to be tough.  If you don’t win your battle against your need for personal affirmation you will struggle.  You will make decisions based on whether or not your students will like you, you will choose to preach or not preach on topics based on your desire to be “cool.”  You will avoid having uncomfortable conversations and will cringe at the thought of holding someone accountable because of your chronic need to be loved.  Or worse yet, you will build a ministry model, a series or a structure so that you can be affirmed amongst your peers. See insecurity and pride are really two sides of the same coin.  You make everything about you.  Pride wants people to recognize your greatness, insecurity longs for others to affirm your value. (I know because I’ve been guilty of making decisions based on my own insecurities.  That is until God shook me up.  He allowed me to walk through a dark valley about a year ago to beat insecurity out of me – I’ll blog about it soon.) The key to overcoming insecurity is to understand that it’s not about you.  Literally, it’s not.  In fact, people think far less about you and what you do than what you’d think. Ouch. I know.  That thought stings me too.  We must repent of our desire to be known and be a celebrity.  We must know that the value of our worth and ministry has already been affirmed by the God who died to save us from our sins and has chosen us for His eternal purpose.  God has called YOU! He chose YOU!  If Jesus has already placed his mantle of anointing on your life, quit searching for more twitter followers. You already have more with you than could ever be against you.

I was talking with a pastor I really respect and admire a little while ago.  I admire him not just for his character but also for his ability to create incredible leaders in his church.  He was pointing out some new members of his church that have amazing potential.  He made a profound statement.  He said “These people are solid on doctrine, spiritual disciplines and they’re incredibly talented, their ceiling right now is they need to get their personal life in order.”  Really this is incredibly biblical.  Check out the scripture below:

1 Timothy 3:3-7 ²Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. ⁴He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, ⁵for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? ⁶He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.⁷Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

Often my metric is so messed up.  I idolize certain characteristics that God never mentions as being of great value.  All of the things mentioned in the above scripture are about the strength of our character, our integrity and our commitment to ministerial ethics.  You may be creative but your creativity can be cancelled out by a lustful heart. You may be a gifted communicator but if we are gossipers and proud we negate our pulpit wizardry.  You may be a slick marketer but that means nothing if you treat your wife and kids like doormats.  See as much as we’d love to be only known for what we do, our legacies will be more about who we are.

So my challenge is let’s work on us.  Let’s be emotionally secure leaders who have integrity, keep confidence, love our families, are fiscally responsible, who love truth and people so much that we will lay down our personal insecurities and our pride to do what is right.